Written by a friend of ABC:
I believe God wants me to talk to you all about His Amazing Grace and His Amazing Love that HE has for each of us. And also how God’s Grace and His Love has affected my life; so In order to do that I will have to start back in my growing up years.
And as I am telling you this, there are parts of my life growing up I remember and then there were parts that I had forgotten or had chosen to block out, but with help from counseling and from my Lord, quite a bit of it has been recovered.
I grew up in a middle class home with two parents; I was the only child to my mom and the fourth child to my dad. I had the kind of parents that to everyone around us, whether it be friends, coworkers, extended family, etc.; that most people thought a lot of about my parents and how wonderful, kind, do anything for you, kind of people because they were these kind of people to most except with me in my growing up years. Behind closed doors it was a different world, different story, and different parents.
A lot of it had to do with my parents’ relationship. They didn’t have a good marriage but in society to whoever it may be, they wanted to keep an image that everything was wonderful and great between both of them and our home life. They didn’t want anyone one to know the truth what our lives were really like.
So because of their troubled marriage; my parents took what they were going through with each other out on me. They started abusing me when I was very young and part of that abuse was sexual abuse. This started when I was around the age of three years old and continued for a long time. They also allowed others that they knew, including family members, to be a part of this. And because of the sexual abuse, out of this came miscarriages and pregnancies, which resulted in abortions starting when I was 12 years old. My parents used this as a way to “get rid of the evidence” and as a way to cover up things.
Unfortunately this was a way of life for me for many years and I didn’t know any other. So as I got older, I continued down the same destructive path that I was taught. I went from being the victim to purposefully making destructive, unwise choices on my own and from this having abortions on my own to “get rid of the evidence” and as a way to cover up things so I could keep the image that I was trying to make others believe as well as myself that I was this sweet, innocent, perfect, nice, never did anything wrong, kind of person.
I acted and wanted to believe that my life was good but in reality it was miserable, painful, and so on. I tried using alcohol, sex, and anything else that I thought would fill the void and the empty feelings that I felt inside, including wanting to end my life many times. I didn’t know what to do or know a way out.
I had heard and knew some about the Lord when I was younger and even more as I got older but I still had not fully given my life to Him. When I was twenty five, a situation happened and because of this I didn’t want to go on. I had hit rock bottom. So one Sunday night after this situation had happened, a couple at the church I was going to at the time, explained to me about a relationship with the Lord and that night I accepted the Lord as my Savior.